Lunch and License

Today I had lunch with O at school.  Occasionally, I take advantage of the opportunity to do this.  Sometimes I surprise her and sometimes we plan it.  It's always great fun.  I find it all so interesting.  There are two lunch tables and recently the girls have started to sit across from each other so they can chat and the boys sit at the other table side by side next to each other watching the girls.  It's like junior high school, but it's Kindergarten!    

It's always an interesting conversation.  This time it was about who celebrated Hanukkah and who celebrated Christmas.  One little girl told me that even though they light eight candles in her house, they “just” celebrate Christmas.   Another little girl said she celebrates both.  Another little girl told her she couldn't “celebrate both.”  “Can to” was the retort.  It all reminded me of the silly fights my brother and I used to have.  It always ended with "UH-HUH" or "NUH-UH".  They’d never end and neither of us did well in debate class!

As lunch was ending, one of O's girlfriends came over to say hi to me.  I asked her how she was and how her sister had been.  She said, "My sister is good, but she is not at school today.  She has license."  I replied, "She has a license to do what?"  "No" she said, "She has license.  You know, that stuff you get in your hair?"  


Oh sure.  I didn't know that was plural for lice.  Why is my scalp itching all of a sudden?  

I say, "License happens."  


KINDERGARTEN SUCKS!

Goldfish for Breakfast

O has had fever the last couple of days.  There's a school rule that if your child has a fever 100 degrees or more you must keep the child home for 24 hours.  Her fever this morning was just below that.

I too have been sick with what appears to be a stomach virus.  My husband left early for work.  These days O is all about solving her own dilemmas; so after she got herself dressed, she went downstairs to find something to eat.  She came back upstairs with goldfish crackers because it was in the only drawer within her reach.  When she asked me if I'd open up the bag for her, I told her that I would, but then asked "But don't you want me to make you a bagel w/ creamy on it?".  

"That will take too long, Mommy", she said.  Does she mean awhile like awhile for me to get out of bed, or awhile for me to toast it and put the cream cheese on it?  Ugh!  The guilt.  I got her off to school then put my head under the covers and went back to sleep!  My daughter had goldfish for breakfast.  Kindergarten SUCKS!

The Country Club Santa's Naughty List

My girlfriend DD called me to tell me the story of her little boy Gojo.  Every year Santa Claus comes to the country club and every year DD takes her kids to see him.  It's a family affair and very much a tradition.  After all, who didn't  grow up spending all their holidays with the benefit of a country club (clue: most of us).

Last year Gojo hid in a corner away from Santa, but always within view of the creepy stand-in.  After many family and friends came up to him in his corner to tell him there's no need to be afraid of Santa, he chucked a piece of candy at Santa.  Clausowski then looked his way with the stink eye.  Gojo then yelled in a deep voice, "I'm not afraid of you, Santa."  He was 13.  Just kidding.  He was three going on 13.

Now he is 4.

This year he wasn't afraid at all.  In fact, after sitting on Santa's lap and telling him everything he wanted for Christmas he partook in the country club buffet (yep, we've all been there).   

After dinner, he sauntered back over to where Santa was sitting and asked if he could talk to him again.  Santa was happy to oblige.  DD watched it all take place.  Five minutes later he was still talking to Santa.  She couldn't hear what they were saying, so when he returned she said, "Hey Gojo.  I saw you talking to Santa.  What were you all talking about?"  Gojo replied, "You don't want to know, Mom."  After some coaxing from DD he finally told her, "Mom, remember tonight when we were getting ready and you cussed?  Well I told Santa about that.  We had a really good talk.  And Mom, this is the part you are not going to like.  He said he's going to put you on the naughty list."

DD said, "Really?  Did you tell Santa about how naughty you have been lately?"  Gojo replied, "No.  But Mom, like I said, we had a really good talk and I don't want to change that."

DD told me the story and ended with, "Preschool SUCKS."   My response?  "Kindergarten SUCKS too!"

Santa's Magic--EBAY!

Do you believe?  

It's an interesting question and one that has O a bit perplexed this holiday season.  Especially because everywhere we turn there is Santa Claus.  He can be at the mall in three different stores. He can be in a commercial and in a parade all at the same time.  Might as well know that Santa is a multi-tasker; drinking wine and ordering online.  Truly magical that Santa Claus!  

And that magic is why O has now chosen to ask Santa for an American Girl Doll that American Girl no longer sells.  So not only has my child asked him for a doll that regularly costs around $125, but she has also asked him to scour the attics of friends and teenagers who’ve possibly moved on from that stage of their lives.  That didn't get me too far.  I only know a few friends with teens and none of them are willing to part with this particular doll as she's worth so much or means so much in terms of memories!  Not only that, but my girlfriend's keep asking why she’d want Santa to leave a USED doll under the tree!  

So I turned to EBAY.  However, after realizing that I was going to pay twice the amount, I tried to reason with O.  I said, "You know it's still going to be difficult for Santa to get Elizabeth.  He's magical, but he may end up bringing you an Elizabeth doll that is not an American Girl."  In between the many conversations like this, I kept looking on EBAY for this doll and after losing four different times, I bought one at the end of November for $175.  Seriously!

On Saturday we went to see Santa with our friends.  O wrote him a letter.  Here is what it said:

DR S.C.

WHAT i WANt FOR CRisMus is A AMRiCAN giRl MOlly.

"WAIT!"  I said, "You want Molly?"  She looked up at me with the biggest, bluest eyes of true certainty and said, "Yes.  I want Molly."  After a lot of coaxing, she finally changed it to say:

DR S.C.

WHAT i WANt FOR CRisMus is A AMRiCAN giRl MOllY oR ElisBEt A BRee (Barbie) Hous AND A BRee cAR

LOUVE,

O

I asked her if she should write her full name and she said that she didn't need to as he will know.  After all, he's magical!  

She's getting Elizabeth.  She can stay perplexed, but I sure hope she won't be disappointed!  Kindergarten SUCKS!

 

Church-Go-er's

We got to church a few minutes late on Sunday.  The church was very crowded.  The usher made some people move over so that we could have a seat at the end of the pew. When it came time for Communion, O asked if we were going to go up.  

I whispered, "Not today."  She usually goes up to receive a blessing with daddy when he goes up for Communion, but since daddy was away on a business trip she asked me why I didn’t want to go.  I replied whispering, "Because I'm not Catholic."  In a very loud tone she asked, "Mommy, what is Catholic?"  

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as everyone turned to look at us.  I leaned over and I whispered, "I will tell you later."  She answered, "No, I want to know now.  What's  Catholic?"  

I sat down in the pew to come down to her eye level.  I felt like I had a big L on my head.  Not for LOSER, but for Lutheran (or as some say Catholic LIGHT).  I then said, "A Catholic is someone who practices a particular faith in God.  And daddy was raised as a Catholic.  I will tell you more later.  I pinky promise."  I held out my pinky and she hooked hers and she nodded.  

Kindergarten SUCKS!

 

OCCUPY KINDERGARTEN

Children express themselves the best.  Especially children five and under.  They don't think twice about what effect it may have on the world or anyone else for that matter.  What they need, they need now and they will go to great lengths to get it or to not have to do it.  

They will throw tantrums, crayons and china if it gets them the result they are looking for.  Stomping feet, breaking crayons, punching walls and even purposely peeing in places.  As a teacher, I thought I had seen it all.  As a parent, I definitely have seen it all.  It's truly fascinating.  There are no limitations to how far they will go to prove their point and get their way.  

 

It reminds me of the OCCUPY protesters.  The other day we were driving over the Key Bridge and there were protesters causing traffic jams.  O asked me what they were doing.  I said, "They are unhappy and want things to change in America, but really can't say why they are mad or what they want to change.  They stomp their feet, break things, punch and even pee in places they shouldn't. "

 O asked, "Why?"  

 

I replied, "That's a great question O.  What do you think?"  

O said, "I think they just don't know better."  

OCCUPY KINDERGARTEN?  Nah, Kindergarten SUCKS!

Hanukkah

This year Hanukkah starts at sundown on December 20th and ends at sunset on December 28th. 

My love for varying religions and religious traditions and stories stem from the experiences I’ve had with friends of differing faiths and as a teacher over the years.    As I have said before, I was blessed to have taught many Jewish children and gained a heartfelt connection with Judaism through the inspiring teachings and stories of Rosh Hashanah, Hanukkah and Passover.  My favorite is the story of the miracle of light.  It definitely helps that this story has always been shared with me over oil fried potato latke's and wine, and often ends with a dreidle game gambling for chocolate coins.  Heck, don’t we all love fried food, wine, gambling, and chocolate.  Why do you think I'm such a sucker for Vegas?  It's like Disney World for adults. 

O and I love to read the books about religious traditions, including Hanukkah.  Our favorite is The Magic Dreidels by Eric A Kimmel which we read the other night.  We also enjoy buying chocolate coins and playing the dreidle game.  Singing the dreidel song is all part of our holiday season even though we are not Jewish.  In fact, we have a menorah that we light during the season in celebration of our friends.

OK, back to Hanukkah, for those readers who aren't familiar with it, this is the story I like to share with O.  

Hanukkah is sometimes referred to as the Festival of Lights.  Hanukkah lasts eight days.  Every night of Hanukkah candles are lit on a special candle holder called a Menorah.  Every night of Hanukkah, the Menorah is lit, prayers are sung and each child is given a gift to open.  (Eight nights of Hanukkah equals eight gifts.  What child wouldn't want this!)

Hanukkah tells the story of the Maccabees' reclaiming the city and temple of Jerusalem over 2100 years ago.

A long time ago in Israel, a mean king was in charge. He had a big army with lots of soldiers.  The king didn’t want anyone to celebrate any other religion than what he celebrated.  He destroyed synagogues and a great temple. 

A small group of the Jews, the Maccabees, fought the king's big army and won.  It was a great miracle for the Maccabees' small group of fighters to defeat the king's largest and most powerful army.  When the Maccabees won the war, the first thing they did was clean up their great temple.  Obviously, in those days there was no electricity and there were no light bulbs. Lamps used oil.  Because resources were limited due to the war, when checking their supply of oil they found they only had enough oil to last one day.  They sent people to get more, but knew it may be days before they return.

That is when another miracle occurred.  The little bit of oil lasted eight days.  This is why Hanukkah lasts eight days and why it is called the Festival of Lights.  

Over breakfast this morning, O said, "Mommy, my friend, Mona celebrates Hanukkah just like us.  Yesterday I told my kindergarten class we celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah."  


I texted my friend:

I love Hanukkah.  Kindergarten SUCKS!

Mrs. Claus is a Lush!

Like many families, we uphold the ELF ON THE SHELF tradition.  However, when I signed up for this "FUN" tradition, I was surprised at how much work is involved with this little fellow.

When O was three years old her best friend from preschool, Ella, told her all about this ELF ON THE SHELF that came to her house around Thanksgiving.  The story goes that every night the elf leaves the shelf and flies back to Santa to give him a report on the comings and goings of the children in the house.  Each morning he returns to another spot and the children in the house search for him until he is found, only to repeat the process day after day until Christmas when he heads off with Santa in the sleigh.  Thank goodness it isn't all year round!  It’s like having another child. 

Most importantly, the elf is never to be touched or his magic will disappear.  Children can tell him whatever they wish Santa to bring them for Christmas and he will relay the information.  (I guess it beats standing in line holding shopping bags and puffy ski coats for over an hour to sit on Santa's lap at a crowded mall.) 

O named her elf, Elfie.  There's an amazing website you can go and register your elf and print out an adoption certificate.  It's very fancy.  Also on this website there are many games kids like to play along with crafts and coloring pages.  O wakes up every morning and goes to bed every evening begging to log on to elfontheshelf.com.

The whole process takes important planning and preparation on the part of us parents.  Each year it seems to get more difficult to hide our forgetfulness in moving our "magical" Elfie.  For example, this year O has been telling Elfie where to sit when he returned from his intel mission to the North Pole.  He was on the bookshelf one morning and she wanted to draw him, so she asked him to come back and sit on her easel the next day so it would be easier to see him.  I find myself asking my husband via text or email: a.) if he moved the elf and b.) if he didn't, did he hear where she asked Elfie to come back to so I can place him there.  Who knew text and email would come in so handy in the same household!  Now I’d just like to stuff a voice activated recorder down his tights. 

Last year when we forgot to move the elf after a late night martini Christmas party, O came to the side of my bed and said, "Mommy, wake up.  Elfie didn't move, but it's not because I was bad, it's because he was sitting so low that I believe our dog licked him and his magic went away.  I sure hope his magic comes back."  I replied, "I'm certain it will as soon as I get rid of this pounding headache and the cat that slept in my mouth last night."  Apparently, Elfie doesn’t appease hangovers.  (Surprising as I’ve heard Mrs. Claus is a lush.  Who wouldn’t with a husband always hanging out with elves and talking to animals!)

This morning O awoke to tell me that she was going downstairs to find Elfie.  I tried to talk her into taking a bath first, but no dice.  I took a gamble that my husband remembered.  He had.  Tomorrow I may not be so lucky!  Kindergarten SUCKS!

Bullied at 40!

Today O brought home a marble with googly eyes and an afraid frown of a face.  She told me that she received it as part of a visit from the school counselor, Ms. Wright, who talked to their class about bullying.  Ms. Wright read her class a book about a boy named Tommy who was being bullied at school and he made up a song.  Ms. Wright played her guitar and sang a song that went something like this:

Walk away,

Ignore it

Be Brave

I like you

You like me

It's all about you and me together

No matter the weather

I've been bullied all day by an ebay seller who sent me a damaged item.  She's blaming it on USPS.  This is a woman who believes she is right as the seller and I am wrong as the customer.  I'm being bullied at 40.  I call her e-bitch. 

Walk away,

Ignore it

Be Brave

I like you

You like me

It's all about you and me together

No matter the weather

E-this.  Kindergarten SUCKS!

 

A Friend's Tough Day

O came home and told me her friend started crying today because everyone laughed at her friend's name.  She felt really bad for her.  I do too.  O added that she didn't think it was funny, so she didn't laugh.  

Good for you O!  Nobody likes to be teased.  Kindergarten SUCKS!