Leaping Forward

My wise friend and life mentor, Jackie Marlin turns 80 this week.   

I met Jackie through the school where I used to teach.  I wanted to pay her for guitar lessons but she wouldn't take my money.  She even gave me one of her guitars.  'Why won't you take my money?', I asked her and she replied, "This world would be a much more peaceful place if we all could play instruments and sing together".  She's right.  Music brings peace.  Dropping your child off at the bus stop does NOT.  

In my last blog I wrote about the kindergarten parent coffee, but what I didn't tell you is that O still had a very difficult time going on the bus that morning, in fact the water works began as soon as she opened her eyes.  "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL ON THE SCHOOL BUS!"  And my soft toned response, "I know, O.  I hear you.  Everything is going to be OK.  Going on the bus is part of Kindergarten."  And then she continues.  "It's too difficult.  It's smelly, loud and dark."    Funny, so is the cork on the half bottle of Pinot Noir I drank last night, but I'm not complaining.  

I repeated back to her what she says to let her know I'm listening and then I told her there is no other option.  Then I thought to myself, "Oh my, not again.  Can't I just take her to school?  I mean who would it hurt?  It would make our mornings so much easier.   And I'm going in for a Parent Coffee already this morning so why not just drive her?"  My husband told me to keep the routine the same.  

I did, but as I walked away from the bus with tears in my eyes, all my motherly insecurities rushed in as I asked myself, "Am I pushing her too far?  With kindergarten being so overwhelming, should I take the bus piece away so that she can concentrate on the curriculum, new routine and social arena?  What kind of impact will this have on O's challenges in the future?  Will she ever be able to overcome difficult times in her life?"  

While I was at the coffee the principal mentioned that there are counselors on sight for parents and children.  Really?  FREE therapy?  I'm SO there.  I wonder if the counselor likes Pinot Noir...  

The counselor was super great.  She asked me all the right questions.  I shared our experience with the bus and what we had been doing to prepare O for the bus before school started.  My husband and I had bought a lego bus for her to use with her polly pockets.  We role played with it imagining the polly's going to the bus stop and getting on and off the bus.  We read stories about busses, including her favorite, Kindergarten Rocks by Katie Davis.  

I needed more ways to move forward, I mean, what more could I do to desensitize this bus?  Her first suggestion was a behavior modification chart where we work on just her waking up and going down for breakfast before the tears start.  However, I'm not a big fan of behavior modification. I know it serves it's purpose at times, but when it comes to her feelings, I'm more inclined to try something else.  The charts my husband used to change me never worked, although they are asthetically pleasing in case any of you are his clients.   

Some of her other suggestions I really liked:

-Giving O some magazines to cut out pictures and create a bus she loves.

-Create a pie chart and show her how little of her day is getting on and off the bus.  

-Let her choose the flow of the morning.

-Watch the Magic School Bus series.

-Check out the book Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus.

-Weekend walks to the bus stop

These were all wonderful ideas.  I was grateful.  Although this wasn't my first time in therapy, it was my first time not having to pay for it, so I thanked my lifetime counselor #9 and returned home.  I had a new plan and I couldn't wait to execute it.  

After dinner that night we talked about the suggestions.  Doug made a pie chart and O colored it in using different markers.  On Saturday we woke up and planned our venture to the bus stop.  She started getting a little panicky right before we left, but I kept reassuring her that the bus would not be there and there was no school on Saturday.  I took a Kit Kat, her favorite candy bar, and some gem magnets I had a tucked away in the gift closet for days like these.  

As we were heading out the door, I remembered Jackie Marlin's saying.  I decided to start with the calming songs from Budding Yogis yoga camp which she had attended with my friend, Linda Feldman this summer.  And after some hesitation and complaining, she began to sing with me.  As we sang together, I felt a calmness come over both of us.   

Halfway there we stopped moving and singing because there, right before our eyes, was the most beautiful green grasshopper.  I have always loved the grasshopper and its symbolism of "leaping forward".  Grasshoppers leap forward knowing they will get where they need to go and their needs will be met wherever they end up, even if it's on a big yellow bus (well, maybe not but it sure sounded good, right?)  I know it sounds crazy but it was in that moment that I realized everything was going to be ok.  I felt as though that grasshopper was my sign that we were on the right track.  We watched the green grasshopper and even followed it into our neighbors yard and then continued on our way.  O started the song this time and we exchanged smiles.    

When we got to the bus stop we sat on the curb and noticed the sights and sounds.  We talked about the treehouse across the street and the leaves from the tree that had begun to fall.  We sang another song as we ate our Kit Kat that was messy; it had melted in my pocket.  "Meow" was the song that sang behind us.  When we turned around, there was a neighborhood kitty named Tabby looking for some love and attention, so we scratched her ears and petted her soft fur.  Soon the kitty sauntered away and I gave O her magnets for her locker.  She smiled and thanked me.  We headed back to our house singing our songs.  It was wonderful.  When we returned home we talked about our journey to the bus stop.  I asked her if she would sing with me on the way there Monday morning and she agreed requesting I call her friends to save her a spot on the bus.  I ensured her I would.    

This morning all went as planned.  She struggled a little as she was waking up and told me her stomach hurt.  I told her to close her eyes and go inside to her stomach and tell it everything was going to be ok.  She did, but she still didn't want anything except water for breakfast.  That's ok.  She will have a snack at school in an hour.  All will be fine.  We walked to the bus stop singing and looking for the grasshopper.  He wasn't around, but she noticed an airplane going by overhead and a bird singing a morning song, he must have gotten Jackie's memo.   

At the bus stop the kitty, Tabby, was being loved by another little friend and while they petted Tabby, they talked about their backpack keychains.  When the bus arrived I walked her on and there were her friends holding her seat.  We did what we always do and said goodbye.  She even smiled and waved.  

Jackie is right.  Singing brings so much peace and harmony to the world.  Singing helped desensitize that bus.  And just to be honest, my vocals are out of tune, but I will NOT stop singing and playing the guitar because "Kindergarten SUCKS".