No Longer Four Years Old

Do you remember the part in my blog about me reading the bedtime book Kindergarten Rocks by Katie Davis to O who brought to my attention she did not like lunchtime and so I had made a note to myself to get to the bottom of that, even considered it a blog topic???  Well, what do you know!  However, this time I'm not leaving anything out.  


That very night she mentioned that she didn't like lunch because (due to logistics) there was a time where her teachers weren't there and that made her feel scared.  I repeated what she said including, "That must be really scary for you."  I asked her what she thought would make it easier.  She said, "I think you should tell Mrs. M."  I replied that I could, however, if she thinks it's the best solution it's up to her to take action.  She asked, " Why can't you take action?"  I told her that I won't be at school tomorrow.  She replies, "Well Mommy you could email or call her."  That is true I could also do that.  


I understood where she was coming from.  She has always been a very cautious child.  In fact, whenever there was an issue in preschool, I helped her work through it with the teacher.  However, I explained that was when she was four and now she is five, so I would leave it up to her on how to work through this.  She wined and got mad and even began to shed a few tears.  I explained that if she didn't want to do anything at all, that was okay too, because just like the box turtle in her classroom and any other turtle who has a shell, she too can go inside herself when she is scared and breathe.  


She still didn't find my response fair and felt the only good idea was for me to talk to Mrs. M.  At that point, I gave her an ultimatum, "Either you climb back in bed and finish reading this book with me or you're going to bed without it."  She reluctantly climbed into bed and listened.  Meanwhile, as I said before, I took note of it hoping there would be a resolution even if it was listening to her breath.


Yesterday O got off the bus with a smile on her face.  She seemed happy, relaxed and even told me she is "in love" with her new friend in he class who likes sippy cups just like O.  She said she thinks in her adult life she will definitely marry her new friend.  "Wonderful!  And you two can drink wine from your sippy cups, have an infinite slumber party and live happily ever after!


After a couple hours of snack and some much needed quiet time on her part, we had dinner.  The dinner conversation began with Mrs. M and her turtle.  She said, "Mommy, I love Mrs. M.  She told me that every turtle does NOT go into it's shell.  There are swimming turtles and land turtles.  Swimming turtles do NOT go in their shell, but land turtles and sea turtles DO."  


"Really?", I said, " So were you a land turtle or a swimming turtle during lunchtime?"  She smiled and  said, "Guess what Mommy?  I told Mrs. M that it scares me when she and Ms. L aren't at lunch."  I said, "What did she say?" (Crossing my fingers that it would be a good conclusion.)  O replied, "Mrs. M said, "Well that's fine because I don't like it either and I will ensure all is taken care of beforehand so that one of us is always there."  


I started crying and laughing at the same time!  I started jumping up and down with true glee!  "Really O?  Really?  You did that?  You talked to Mrs. M?  Really?  Tell me again."  She kept nodding her head smiling, requesting for me to jump up and down again.  I said, "I will, but tell me it again."  She repeated her words and I did more jumping jacks and hugged her all the while telling her how proud I was.  SHE SOLVED HER OWN PROBLEM!  This is SO BIG!  She worked through it without her mommy there.  "YAY O!  YAY for you!  YAY!"  


And then I began to cry.  I cried for all the work O has done to get to this point.  I cried for all the mothers in the world who have felt the way I did at this moment.  I cried for all the children who come to that point in their life where they know how to use their voice to change things and make them feel safer.  I cried for every turtle everywhere.  I cried for Mrs. M who understands when a child doesn't feel safe and she will do everything, EVERYTHING in her power to keep her from feeling unsafe again!  I'm in love too!  I'm in love with a woman named Mrs. M who hears my daughter and takes it in.  I also love this wine I'm drinking as I write this!  Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Mrs. M.


I just realized I'm crying again.  I'm crying because my daughter doesn't need me to communicate for her anymore!  She is no longer four years old!  Kindergarten SUCKS!